To you momma in the NICU,
I am thinking of you today. God has placed each of you on my heart this morning. This is a journey that is very difficult to pull through. Sometimes it can be a little discouraging, maybe the way you planned out your pregnancy, or the way it all had to happen and you weren’t ready. Don’t get discouraged, stay strong and fight. God never makes mistakes, His plans are far more greater then ours. (Proverbs 19:21).
Did you plan to have your baby early and be in the NICU? Did you plan to have everything prepared? Of course not! These are unexpected things and only God knows why we must go through these storms. When I went through seeing my youngest being born so early, not able to hold her once she was born, it hurt me deep inside. To see so many nurses and doctors rushing in. My heart sank so deep inside.
I feel what your feeling momma, the emotion you have unable to hold your baby right after birth. To see the nurses rushing in, to see them take your baby away without hearing a cry, or holding and hearing the heartbeat close to yours. I feel the hurt, I feel the pain I feel the emotion you are feeling.
I understand you momma. What you face, the trials you go through, the words you don’t want to hear and the things you don’t want to see but still do. You may feel torn apart, seeing them wheel away your precious creation and have to wait to hear when you can soon go. You try to get it off your mind but can’t seem to do so. All you think about is “what did I do wrong. What was the cause of this. What could I have done different. When can I see him/her. Why do I have to be going through this.” All these thoughts race through your head. You feel this empty stomach, no more kicks no more flutters. Knowing they are born but unsure of what is going on.
I understand you momma. I understand the plans we had, the rooms we were soon setting up, the days we had planned to come home within that day of having our baby. Our plans are not always going to go right. You see God’s plans are much bigger and better then ours. Only he knows why we go through these storms. Maybe to build our faith, to share our testimony, to change our ways, to put Him first, or maybe to learn to be patient loving and kind. We don’t know now but later we will see why that storm came. You must be strong, even though it seems impossible. WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. (Matthew 19:26)
When you begin to get wheeled in, you can’t help but cry and break down to see the one you carried in your tummy, trying to stay safe, not wanting him/her to come into this world thinking if he/she stayed in our tummy they would be safer then out here. You feel tears run down your face trying to hold back but can’t. As you walk in, lean over the incubator your eyes just glaze into your marvelous creation. You can’t help but wonder if you will stand strong through this. Those tiny little fingers, the small palms, those eyes that are closed and covered. You see these cords and IV’s all wrapped everywhere, this light that is shining on them, you break down. I hear you momma. I hear the crying, I see the tears you shed that stream down your face. I feel your pain. I’ve been there. It’s okay to break down, this situation was unexpected. Sometimes when we break down it makes us get stronger. Just don’t stay broke down forever, pick up your pretty face, change those thoughts around & think positive. I’m with you momma, lets carry on through.
Days go by, time seems to go slower and slower, everything seems to drag and no progress. You visit your precious one every day and feel at a complete loss. You may hear words that are not what you want to hear, but always remember God is our healer and our comfort. He feels our pain, I feel your pain momma. Don’t get discouraged, stay strong. You are not alone. Some days will seem darker then others, some more worse then others but always remember Our God is bigger then any day, any situation we are in. Lets fight this together momma.
I feel the hurt, I see what you see momma. You see your little one get poked and poked, more IV’s, more needles and you begin to cry once more. It breaks your heart seeing how many times a baby gets poked. Those little small cries, the tiny wiggles they wiggle. We sit in a rocking chair next to our new addition(s). We just can’t seem to leave, we want to stay in that same place everyday and night. We don’t even think about eating just more of never leaving the area. Our health is just as important. Momma, your precious one needs you, stay healthy momma, drink plenty of water and get your rest momma because soon the fight will be over with.
I understand momma, you feel discouraged, you feel alone, you feel you aren’t doing enough. Don’t give up momma, never down yourself momma because you are doing everything you possibly can. Never blame yourself, us mothers intend to do so in this situation. We intend to feel alone but we are not. Stay strong and keep looking forward. We are fighting together momma.
I know the feeling momma, the feeling that we get inside if we will ever get to go home. Hold onto faith, keep staying strong, let God fight for our precious additions. He holds it all, he knows our plans, he knows our future. He knows we love our children, just like we are his children and loves us. I know the feeling momma, don’t give up just yet your precious little one needs you by his/her side.
I am praying for you momma. To have the strength to carry on through, the heart to love yourself once again, the ears to hear God and the eyes to stay focused on the positive.
I understand, I feel, I know what your going through momma.