Day 2 – Finding Your Fear
Seeing where your fear comes from
As a child, some fears come from events that happen in the home. Lies that were told to us. Have you ever done something you thought was so cool, built maybe legos and built the tallest tower and the most awesomest car then get told by a friend or someone you love, some ugly words that just scarred you. You’re not good at building. This is ugly. You cant fit in this. Or maybe someone told you You’re not good enough, your not beautiful enough or skinny enough, your too skinny and maybe you don’t fit in the friend circle. Even as adults we get told these things by people in this world. We fear we are a failure. We fear we aren’t good enough or never will be. We fear we won’t be liked or loved by many. Fear keeps you in prison unable to let you do what you were called to do.
At a young age in my preteens I was made fun of because of my hair. I had curly thick hair. My hair was so thick I couldn’t hold any ponytail holders. I would bust them over and over. I couldn’t wrap them twice it had to be once, and than layering with another ponytail. Even then it still wouldn’t hold so well. I had such curly hair, it was beautiful but what made me hate it then was being called these ugly awful names that I couldn’t even bear to say again. I remembered crying at home time after time, I remember telling my mom just cut it off. I couldn’t brush my hair because brushes would break (not even kidding i’m for real). It was really beautiful hair, so many women tried to get their hair like mine when I tried to get mine straight like theirs. One year for Christmas I asked for different hair. And it happened. My grandparents paid for a hairdresser to do a relaxer on my hair to help calm the curls (because whoa they were crazy for real). Then 7 months later I had to get it redone again for it to work properly. So for my birthday I asked my mom thats all I want is for my hair to be fixed yet again. Do you see whats happening here? With the fear I had, the name calling the bullied people, they made me afraid to be who God created me to be. It made me see myself as someone that wouldn’t fit in. Changing myself to “fit in” wasn’t a great idea. Although my hair was wavy and not curly, I still was made fun of, I was still called these ugly names, one was “afro-puff.” It never stopped. I would get made fun of because I never kissed a boy. Mind you I was 12 years old, I never thought about kissing I thought about hanging out with friends and being a 12 year old. I didn’t want to face my childhood past, but I had to. I had to face and go back to the root of the problem to continue onto what God has called me to do.
Friend, God loves you. He loves you with every breath he takes. He loves you oh so much he sent Jesus (John 3:16).
Whether we were told awful names in our childhood or in our adult past, we must face those memories. Release them to Jesus today. Ask for healing in your past and lets move forward dear friend. Fear is no longer going to be in you by the time you are done with this devotional.
Reflect: Pray for those who hurt you. Pray for forgiveness in yourself and past. Declare Gods wording over your fear today friend.
Verse: Psalm 27. Read it aloud and use it as prayer. Begin reading over Psalm 23:4, Psalm 34:4, Psalm 56:3-4, Psalm 118:6, Psalm 115:11. Highlight, write what stands out to you and speaks to you.
Question: What words do you need to let go of?