When Brokenness Becomes Whole

As Thanksgiving approaches us, holidays are near, some of us are anxiously waiting for company to come over while many are hurting and in despair. I remember all the holiday gatherings with my family like it was yesterday. Memories that were imprinted in.

I am going to share something I NEVER shared before. I felt embarrassed to talk about this knowing at my age it put a huge hole in me saying to myself, “am I a little to old to be feeling this way.” I was at a complete loss when it happened. I remember getting angry with God. Yes I said it. I was angry and hurt at the same time. How? Why? Why us? No God. No! But I feel it needs to be shared because many are facing and feeling this.

When we go through trials the enemy will throw every single thing at you to not trust in the Lord. Oh how I wish I could’ve seen that back then but I didn’t know the Word to its fullest. I still don’t know all there is to know, but I do know 5 times more than I did. 

I remember hearing those words… a family that is now broken. A family who would do all the things together and is now no more. I broke down and cried. How could this be? What can I do to fix this? I tried everything in my power to fix it but God was showing me otherwise. He was showing me it wasn’t my job to fix but to rely on His strength. Did I listen? No. I didn’t. Instead I was letting my marriage fade because my parents marriage faded. I began to let fear creep in feeling if my parents marriage failed so will mine. Nothing lasts forever. There’s no “happily ever after.” I was so empty and hurt at a young but older age. I had to hold it together for my marriage, for my siblings, for my parents, for my children, it was all too much. I began letting my marriage fail because I didn’t want to get hurt towards the end like how I was seeing with my eyes. A broken family. I remember telling myself and God… “this is not how its suppose to be.”

For a long time I felt divided & broken. Nothing was or will be the same. But I’ve seen things, my heart is more tender instead of hard, I am more compassionate than before, and I grew stronger in my marriage. I had to let go and let God work his way in me and through me. When my parents divorced, I didn’t want anything to do with my marriage. I was afraid it would fall apart just like theirs did. I didn’t want to give it my all and than it all be stripped away from breaking my heart into shattered pieces. I had to hand that fear over, those feelings I felt over, and allow God to transform my thinking with His Word. I had to hand over the emptiness, the brokenness, so He can begin making me whole. He showed me how to be a wife after Gods own heart A daughter after His heart. He helped me grow in areas I needed growth in. He showed me my weaknesses and strengths so I can work on those instead of running away from them. 

I was afraid to show how it hurt me because I was already married with two kids, what kind of person hurts at that age when the parents are no longer one? What kind of person cries and cries of hurt feeling she has to “choose” a parent for the holidays feeling one is left out and negated? I mean people laugh at those kind of people right? Thats what I thought. I thought I needed to be tough! You know like The Rock. That is Dwayne Johnson by the way in case you don’t know! I thought I needed to be tough, like it didn’t bother me. But boy it bothered the heck out of me. It hurt me deep down to my core! 

I finally cried out to God asking for His grace, asking for help in this and His forgiveness for me ignoring and trying to do it my way! Crying out to heal my brokenness and fix my stubbornness. 

Applying Gratitude EO (essential oil) to help soothe my mind while bringing relief and relaxation to my body. My mind and heart can be opened to receive the gifts that He is giving me each day. I am grateful for each day he has given me.

Once I allowed Him to fully take control, I began working on my marriage wanting to do and be better. I wanted my marriage to be protected with the Armor of God. In order for me to have that, I had to let Him work in me and through me for myself and marriage. I wanted my marriage to reflect Him & for my children to see that marriage truly is a beautiful gift even with little complications. My marriage began prospering and flourishing once I fully submitted myself to Him. 

Marriage isn’t easy. It isn’t a quick fix. It isn’t a overnight kind of deal. Its years of tears, laughter, prayer, struggles, trials, smiles, kisses, all the things. But with Christ first and center of your marriage, it truly is beautiful & peaceful. 

Though the holidays may never be the same, I am okay with it. Those memories I hold onto and cherish them. New memories can now be made. I am grateful for new mercies, new blessings and new days ahead. 

Whatever your facing, whatever your are going through, trust in the Lord with all your heart. Allow His peace to overflow within you. Let Him transform your mind and heart. Brokenness isn’t a bad thing friend. Just don’t stay stuck there, let Him work in and through you to help make you whole! Reach out to a friend to confide in, someone you trust. Seek out counsel if needed. Apply essential oils and pray to help overcome your emotions. Praying for you friend as the holidays are upon us.

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A Lesson in Disguise

Yesterday was the last day to do the October Christian Virtue Challenge. It was a day to choose of your own virtue. I didn’t know what to search for but you know what? I prayed and asked what I needed. He showed me pretty quickly.

maple-starfish-autumn-tree-sunset-golden-hour-kew-gardens-karolina-koziel-photographySee the other day my oldest had came home from school sad and upset. I saw it in her face when she was walking to the car. I knew something was wrong. A momma knows. She somehow feels it with their children. As she got in the car she mentioned how making new friends is not easy at her age. I honestly remember that age and its hard. She named one of them she is having a hard time with. My heart ached for her. It hurts to see your children hurt. Sometimes I wish I can bubble them up and not let them hurt or go through storms but thats not the case. It is impossible. We have to pray for their armor to be put on and help them put it on. God is showing me is it’s okay for them to hurt a little, it’s shaping them and growing them into who they need to be. 

Each of my children have a beautiful heart and I’m not just saying that because I’m their mom, no! I’m saying it because it’s the truth. When we sat down and just enjoyed each other’s conversations and how our day went, my daughter began telling me she needed to “talk.” My heart pounded and raced…. whats a mom to think when the kids say those words! She mentioned how this friend of hers was nice at first but now not so nice. 

A girl who helped her on the first day of school showing her around, you know, being a good friend. Very friendly. Until later that week she didn’t seem so nice. When my daughter mentioned “she’s nice but not nice mom. She told me she just didn’t like me with no reason at all I don’t know why.” I didn’t know what to say. I paused and in my head prayed for wise words to be given. I have to stop myself because if not, I could spit words out that are not fruitful not helping the situation but making it worse. So I stayed quiet and listened and she opened up.

Tears wanted to fall down my cheeks but I held them in. Earlier that morning we had a lesson in the VeggieTales. We learned “talk less listen more” so I didn’t say a word, I simply listened.

I mentioned to her that no matter what, Jesus is our BFF! Always is and always will be. I told her “maybe you need to step away for a little while, still be kind and love her but also pray for her.” She asked me why love her when she’s mean still. I then showed her this verse, Matthew 5:44. Even when others are mean to us, we still be kind, smile, love them, and pray for them. Not ugly praying wishing bad or praying with a ugly heart (you say out loud nice things but your heart and mind say different) but a heart that truly wants good for them… I also told her God doesn’t love her more than the other girl nor does he love the other girl more than her. Even IF she is mean. She was shocked on that part. But understood after I broke it down a little for her. 

I had to show her that it’s okay to cry and it’s okay to hurt because even I do it but let’s move forward, let’s pray and let’s try again tomorrow. She smiled and said okay I will. 

Do you know how tough it is to be a girl mom or a mom at that? It’s tough hearing your kids tell you these things. It makes you want to go and fix it yourself but you can’t. I can’t!! I can’t fix everything and neither can she, but God can! God can heal, he can mend, he can restore and also guide! He IS that good of a father! 

We have to be quick to listen slow to speak and slow to anger. And that’s what I am trying to teach her. To not lower herself to that level but instead be higher up, help her up also and trust that God has a divine plan for everything. 

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Than this began. Yesterday when he showed me this word… reconciliation. I never heard of that word. Nor did I know what it meant. I put the word to the side and stayed quiet in my prayer asking “Lord i’m listening, what are you wanting to show or teach me today.” Again, the word came. So I opened my bible and found verses for reconciliation. So I used this for the last day of the October Challenge I was doing.  Let me say this, it was such a good of a lesson that I had to write quite a bit. The picture above is just two pages. It was a deep meaningful teaching he taught me that morning. A morning I didn’t want to end.

Its funny how I was teaching my child about helping her friend, restore the friendship, bring peace to it and reunite when God was showing this for me too!

When Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating the fruit from the tree it broke the covenant, the peace we had with God. It needed some serious mending. It needed harmony, peace, restoration and RECONCILIATION. Being reconciled is being mended back into relationship and JESUS did that for us. Because of the fall at the beginning God sent Jesus. He came to this earth to be the atoning sacrifice, him dying on that cross for our sins and to be reconciled back to our Father. Restoring that relationship between You and I and the Father. (Romans 5:10) (2 Corinthians 5:18-19).

Not only shall we be reconciled with our family & friends but with God out Father. So what does it mean to be reconciled? It means to be reunited with someone from whom one has been alienated (to feel isolated, estranged, cut off). Sin leads to alienation from God, but through Christ we can be forgiven and reconciled to God. (Matthew 5:20). Its a wonderful invitation to the gospel.

He was teaching me reconciliation, truly is in fact, important. Not only did my oldest need some wise words and guidance but I did also. And the Lord did just that. Be quick to forgive with no holding of grudge or bitterness of any kind. Make peace with the other person, pray for them (pray for your enemies). This is a great way to produce and grow in the fruit of the Spirit. Not only was I teaching my oldest with her situation with her friend but God was using her situation to teach me too! Teaching me to be quick to forgive the one who hurt me a thousand times over and over, to make peace with the past I had and move forward with what He has coming for me.

Forgiveness can lead to restored fellowship.

I don’t want my children growing up holding grudges and it producing bitterness. I want them to be quick to forgive, slow to anger, and slow to speak. Pray for their enemies and know that Our Father is always there for us. Even in these situations we face. But it first starts with us. This was a lesson in disguise for me. I never saw it coming. But he showed me what I needed work on and He will show you too, we just have to be obedient enough to ask, listen, be ready when He speaks and pursue Him wholeheartedly.


Oh father, thank you for your lesson that seemed to hit me hard! Thank you for showing me quickly what I needed to know learn and grow in. I haven’t been quick to forgive, I had been prolonging forgiveness for so long it ate me alive. It planted bitterness and anger within me. I thank you for removing bitterness and replacing it with your love and removing my anger and giving me your peace! I am no longer a victim but I am a child of God who is growing and wanting to be more like you! Thank you for showing me and teaching me so that I may teach my children. Just as you said, teach your children in the way they should go and when they are old they will not depart from it. Help me to continue to search your heart, Lord, and nothing else. Continue to work in me and reveal to me areas I need work on. Thank you for hard lessons, the not so hard lessons, and even the lessons you teach me through my children. I praise your name for you are good in all circumstances.
In Jesus name, amen.

If you are in need of prayer, feel free to reach out to me. I’d be glad to pray for you. After all, we are all in need of prayer.

Even In The Messiness Of MomLife His Grace Is Great

As I sit outside looking at this view, I can’t help but think to myself how far I have come. How the Lord brought me from brokenness and darkness and into His marvelous light.

I’m drinking my cup of coffee, because this mama needs her coffee, and enjoying the beautiful weather outside enjoying this beautiful view. This gorgeous view that seems to speak life to me.

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Do you ever sit in quietness, in stillness and think back on how far you have came? I know its hard for me to sit still with a newborn, toddler, 5 and 9 year old but when I do sit still I cant help but speak to God and just thank him for what he has done. Sometimes I don’t even say a word because I have no words. I just need his presence and peace.

Yesterday I cried out to the Lord asking for His strength and His helping hand in the season I am in. A season of not able to find the “perfect” time to be with him. My life is a little messy right now. The #MomLife kind of messy you know, hair not fixed or washed in 2 days, newborn spit up on my shirt, leggings twice in a row, newborn wanting to nurse and feel my warmth, my toddler clinging to one leg, another child desperately wanting my attention and the other child feeling lonely because I attend to everyone but mainly the new baby. I cried feeling helpless in this season. I felt like a total failure knowing I would get up early around 5:30 am just to read the Bible and pray. Now, not so much. Sleep is desperately calling my name. I’m running late to everything. I drop my kids off in my pajamas because I hit the snooze button too many times. (I cant help it, I nurse a baby almost all night it seems). I cried to him asking for help, for the right time and for this season to quickly pass.

He said otherwise. There is no “perfect place to sit with me, sit where you are and let my presence be known to you. Don’t worry about tomorrow he said. Enjoy today, the day he has given me and granted me.”

34 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.
Matthew 6:34 (NLT) 

I may want this season to quickly pass but I shouldn’t. I need to enjoy and embrace every moment, every minute I can with Him and my family. Even in the crazy chaos moments, still don’t wish for tomorrow to come when today has been a gift given.

I have seen there is no “perfect” timing in seasons like this. He knows the season I am in, the trials, the chaos, even the messiness of life I face on a daily basis. He is totally okay with me sitting with him for 5 minutes rather then no time. There is no perfect coffee cup, clean table, picture perfect area for me to sit with Him. He doesn’t care what cup I grab for my coffee, He doesn’t care if I sit in bed or on the messy table with laundry piled on it, He doesn’t care if I am dressed or still in my pajamas. What He cares about is ME. Me spending time with Him anytime of the day. Yes having Him first in the morning is the best time, but He knows the situation I currently am in and He’s okay with it. He extends His grace to me, holds my hand in this messy mom life and wipes my tears. He doesn’t love me less because of how I look, or how my area with Him isn’t “perfect” and He won’t love me more for having a “perfect” area. His love is so high, so wide and deep that there is nothing I can do to make Him love me any more or any less.

For a few weeks I haven’t been able to spend the time I wanted with Him. I felt like I was being pushed away from Him and began getting further and further. I longed for Him but chaos would happen. I sat beside my bed a few nights ago, I fell down to my knees and just cried. Not a word came out of my mouth, just tears. Friend, His grace just lavished over me. His grace can lavish over you too!

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9

His grace is sufficient for us moms. For us all. Even in the tiresome days, even in the chaos, messiness, sticky handprints, crying and moody kind of days.

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV) 

One day at a time friend, one day at a time. Even if we spend 5 minutes or an hour, we have one Happy Father in Heaven thats kneeling down with us. Never leaving our side.

I pray for you today dear mom, in the season you face, the days that seem long, the nights that you get no rest or sleep. I pray for you today mama!

Father, we thank you for your grace because it is sufficient for us. Your power is made perfect in our weakness. We thank you for your grace that you lavish on us knowing that seasons we all face. Many of us face similar seasons and some very different. I pray over these moms that you lavish your grace over them today. Let them experience your grace like never before. Give them rest Lord, for all us mamas who are weary and heavy laden. You are gentle and humble at heart and I know you can give us rest in our souls that we desperately need. I thank you for the season we are in, even when we feel it will never end, help us to open up our eyes and see this day you gave us a blessing from you! Thank you for your grace, your love and you hearing our prayers. In Jesus name, amen!   

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No Perfect Mom.. A Imperfect Mom

IMG_2027It was a pretty and beautiful Tuesday morning. My girls woke up in such lovely moods, got ready for school faster than any other day, the feeding time (nursing a newborn) seemed to be on track, breakfast was made and so was their hair. Everything seemed great.. for the first few hours.

In case you haven’t noticed, I had been MIA lately only because we had our precious baby girl. Sunday she will be 4 weeks, wow! How time flew by. But she made her arrival and we are truly blessed to have her complete our family. Trying to get on a new routine, trying to get this whole “mommy of 4” thing down and it still isn’t quite there.

I also had been MIA not only because our baby made her appearance but because we sold our house and are in a new transition… moving into our new house. Yes!! I know how does that happen right after you have a baby?! Well let me say something real quick… we didn’t do this, God did!

I remember telling my husband & God I did not want to move after having a baby again because that was horrible last time. Well God thought that was funny apparently because now its happening again. I am VERY grateful for this door & opportunity the Lord opened for my family. He clearly opened it because we didn’t even plan this whatsoever! He is so good! So so good! As I sit here I can’t help but remember all the memories we had in our home. The laughs. The cries. The screams. The good and bad days. Our first home we ever purchased as a family yet it’s so sad to let it go. I began to tell God “I feel mixed feelings, I’m excited yet sad to let go. Excited to move forward, yet sad to leave this behind.” 

From what He said to me is “You can make your plans, but I, the LORD determine your steps. Cling to me not the things of this world. Place your Trust in me. I have greater things for you then you have for yourself.” 

We didn’t plan a move, he happened to lay it on our laps. From Day 1 of listing our home up, within 2 hours of listing it we had 7 showings booked that day back to back and 3 offers immediately. In just one day it went from “our home” to pending. That quick! The home the Lord placed for us had been on the market for quite some time. Our realtor told us “I believe our good Lord has this home waiting for y’all I feel it. I see a halo around this home that was waiting just for y’all.” Then our offer was accepted! I cried. I fell to my knees. Is this real?! Someone pinch me now! Seriously!!! Gods miracles are great! He is wonderful! And his plans… well…. sometimes he will show us a little what he has planned for us, sometimes we get a quick glimpse and sometimes we don’t see anything, but he knows what’s good for us we simply have to T R U S T His will for us. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart. 

Trust that His plans for you are for your good and His glory. 

Trust that he prepared a way for you. 

Trust that His plans are FAR more better than the plans you have for yourself. 

Trust that He is with you even through deep waters.

Trust that He cares for you.

Trust that whatever your facing, the giant that seems so big and impossible to slay, it can and will be beat because our God is mightier 🙌🏼

Trust in Him through all circumstances you face.

Sometimes it can go smoothly and sometimes it can be rocky. But no matter what, always believe and trust that He is right with you, His right hand holding your right hand! Imagine that! 

Now that you know that part, heres the real deal. I struggle. I struggle to be the “perfect” mom. I try to have my house in order, all nice and tidy, I try to have laundry caught up, I try have the perfect outfits picked out, I try to do it ALL. And because I try to do it all, try to be the “perfect mom” I totally lost it. Everything seemed so well, a little too well actually. Then my day just seemed ruined, out of my control. My potty trained child decides to not use the potty at all in her seat. And having to attend to a newborn who wants to nurse every hour and a half AND having to pack our house… I felt overwhelmed. It was time to pick up my other two girls and by that time my mood wasn’t in line. I was already upset with my two year old and with me not getting anything done in the house… My other two girls didn’t get my good mood like they deserved.

After all, it was a hard day. Mommy’s have hard days too. Still I shouldn’t of acted in such a way or had a mood that didn’t want to do anything but cry. And cry I did. It got so overwhelming, not just packing but having to do everything “perfectly.” I prayed and asked for His guidance, help, reassurance, and for His Words to comfort my weary self. I was so weary! But he comforted me in this passage this morning. What a wonderful Father He is.

Mama’s, I want to let you in on a little something. We, by no means, are perfect! And if we continue to pressure ourselves to being perfect we will miss all the small little memories. The small details that will be big one day, we will end up missing because we are too busy trying to be the “perfect” mom. Yes, there is always room for improvement, I mean we can all improve in all areas of our life whether its our job, marriage, mom role, sister role, whatever it is we can improve but don’t pressure yourself to being perfect. Only one man walked this earth that was perfect and his name is JESUS.

I know one thing is for certain, we will drain ourselves and wear ourselves out trying to be that perfect mom. Moms, our children don’t need a perfect mom, or even a Pinterest mom, they need THEIR mom that God created and gave them to sit with them in their presence and just enjoy the laughs, giggles and jokes they tell (even if we don’t get the jokes).

Moms, lets just not pretend we have it all together. Lets be real with one another. Lets be a helping hand to other moms who need our help or even words of encouragement. Be a mom of prayer, because we all need a mom who can pray for us! Its time we stop pretending and be who God made us to be.

Never Stop Growing

When I was young I did not like reading. It was so boring and honestly I didn’t have time to read. I was always on the go with band, with sports, with friends, with life in general. But as I got older I began looking at books thinking “hmm maybe I should give it a try.” It wasn’t until I opened my Bible and began reading a little at a time. It was then, when I fell in love with reading.
Yes it sure is hard to read with 3 kids all running around wanting my attention but I try and get my reading in when they either nap, or even at night when everything is calm. Before I use to let reading get in the way of family time. I couldn’t put books down I just wanted to continue to read.. until I decided to switch a few things.
See Reading is great. It helps you to grow, we can never stop growing. We must NEVER stop growing.

I had a few books I wanted to read this year that was laid out and picked out already, then He laid a few new more. I was going to reread a few books but in every season is a new season which means growth. You may be needing to grow in Faith, In Trust, Freedom from Bondage, maybe its growth within yourself remembering who you are and finding yourself again. These books are what I have for this year. Which I actually plan to read before September when our next little one is due. I know I probably would be very busy sleeping or attending to a new little one along with the 3 kids who need this mama. The books that were laid on my heart I will share the description about them.

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Come With Me by Suzanne Eller. If you know me you know I love Proverbs 31 Ministries. She is one of the writers from Proverbs 31 Ministries and this book is about following Him no matter how dusty how windy the road is because this road is worth everything. Take a step toward the One who promises to delight in surprise and who will transform who you are, how you live, and how you impact the world.
Women of the Word by Jen Wilkin. Teaches you how to study the Bible with both our hearts and our minds
In His Image by Jen Wilkin. Showing us 10 ways God calls us to reflect His character. Exploring 10 characteristics of who God is––holy, loving, just, good, merciful, gracious, faithful, patient, truthful, and wise. It helps us to understand who God intends for us to be.
The Power of a Praying Wife by Stomie Omartian. As a wife we are called to serve and pray for our husbands. Fervent praying. Praying over everything. I have learned in this book (because I already read it but want to read it again) is all the ways to pray for your husband. Ways I honestly never prayed for or even knew about its so amazing! Ever woman who desires a closer relationship with there husband should get this book!
The Power of a Praying Parent by Stomie Omartian. Being a complaining parent doesn’t help but being a Praying parent helps their walk, their talk, their life! We all want the best for our kids and in this book she shows ways (much like the wife one) how and what to pray for.
Purposeful Parenting by Jean S. Barnes. This book gives six steps to bring our the best in your kids. Turn chaos to Calm, Stress to Sanity, and Confusion to Clarity. Now there is no perfect parent but how we parent impacts our children who they are and who they will become.
Inner Transformations Using Essential Oils by Dr. LeAnne Deardeuff, DC and Dr. David Deardeuff, DC. This book is intended for Young Living Essential Oils not intended to be used on any other brand. I read a few pages here and there but as my team and I did this assessment I had seen what my body needed work on. Reading this book will help my body in ways such as more energy (the natural way no coffee kind of way) more radiant health and just bring more health into my family. If you know me, you know I love our oils, and if you haven’t heard of essential oils or want to grab you some, head on over to essential oils and begin learning why we chose them and why you should too.
The Weekly Prayer Project by Scarlet Hiltibidal. A journal that will change your life and challenges you to journal, reflect, and connect with God with 52 scriptures.
Rachel & Leah Study by Nicki Koziarz. This 6 week study reflects on the book, Why Her? Nicki is a writer from Proverbs 31 Ministries and wrote this book on comparison. We all women compare ourselves either “why her?” or “why not me?” This study goes deeper into scripture in the Old Testament story of Rachel and Leah.

I have so much reading to do, but before I do I want you know to know, Never Stop Growing! We can never have grown to much. Whether its through our health and wellness, our family, the Word with the Lord or within ourselves. Growing is beautiful, it changes us in ways you wouldn’t imagine. I want to grow in leadership for my team members, grow in motherhood, grow in Christ, grow in marriage life and so forth. I cant grow if I stop where I am at. And neither can you. If you have a hard time not falling asleep like how I use to be when reading, if you just get bored, grab you a glass of water with ice and some Lemon oil (this helps this mama a ton) and diffuse some Young Living White Angelica with Clarity oil to help awaken the mind. Sit and relax and begin. Even if its 2-3 pages a day that is a great goal to have! Read at the best time for you whether its when the kids are napping, playing outside and you enjoying the beautiful air, or even if its in the school line (because we all know how packed and crazy that line is). No matter where, find a place, find a time that works for YOU and begin growing.

NEVER STOP GROWING

“Bloom Where I Planted You….”

Texas weather is the strangest weather. Yesterday was bright and sunny, nice and warm. It was a beautiful day to be outside mess with my garden, just enjoying the flowers and veggies that is growing. While today on this Saturday, its cloudy and cold! A 20 degree difference in just a day difference. Gotta thank Texas weather for that.

I was quite surprised I woke up early this morning since the past 3 nights our youngest did not want to sleep. I ended up praying over her and lathering her up with our essential oils (while praying of course), speaking life into her little life. Though she may be little she still needs to have LIFE spoken into her. I prayed over my home and asked the Lord for His peace for tonight and for a night of full rest. And you guys we had a full night of rest. HALLELUJAH THANK YOU LORD! I felt well rested. I knew this was a perfect time to spend with the Lord this morning before the rest of the household woke up. Don’t get me wrong, Its ok to spend time with the Lord when everyone is awake, but I felt a tug, a need, a desire and longing for me and Him ALONE. And quite honestly after this morning, I am so glad I was obedient enough to listen and spend time with him alone.

Let me grab my cinnamon coffee real quick because its just so delicious! I’m going to be real with y’all. And honestly this is hard for me to share, but I feel the need to. But this morning, something the Lord said just hit hard early this morning. Maybe you need to hear it too or someone you know needs it. Ive heard a lot this morning………”Pray for your enemies.” I admit, I have prayed for them before. But…. the difference was it wasn’t wholeheartedly. I know right, OUCH! And I’m being honest y’all. I didn’t even realize I wasn’t praying for them wholeheartedly. I didn’t know how to pray for them. I couldn’t bring myself to it to pray for them, and thats honesty. I had to surrender myself to the Lord and ask for His strength & help. [Psalm 28:7]. I didn’t want anything bad happening to my enemies but I couldn’t bring myself to pray “correctly” for them… I just sat in my chair, took a sip of my coffee, then stayed quiet while sitting in His presence. I asked to be different, changed in a whole new way, a change that only He could do, to LOVE because if I have faith but don’t love I am nothing. [1 Corinthians 13:2]. To be forgiven and to forgive just as Christ has forgave me. [Matthew 6:14-15, Colossians 3:13]. Then a ugly cry came along. The ugliest cry you can ever cry. You know what kind of cry I’m talking about. The snotty, ugly face, tears streaming down your face thats unstoppable….. But once I lifted my hands to the Lord and released them to Him, released myself to Him and to do His Will, when I surrendered and let Him do his job without ME trying to fix things it felt great! I felt relief! A burden lifted off my shoulders. See, I never wanted harm for my enemies, I just couldn’t bring myself to pray for them day after day they would hurt, lie, bash or even just be ugly towards me. They wanted to harm me, harm me in ways that would bring me so down to the level of darkness but God said no! I am a child of God, I am a child in the light and I must surrender fully, no matter the cost, just to be free from bondage of not praying for my enemies. I released them to the Lord, I asked that light be birthed in them somehow through someone. That salvation will come to them, that they will find the Lord and want the Lord everyday so they too can be saved.

We have to surrender and let go. We can’t fix these things, only He can. When we surrender ourselves and our enemies, when we open our heart wholeheartedly, things will begin to shift. We become Different. We are being Changed. We become more like Him.

This rose, the one rose that quickly fully bloomed on my rose bush, “Bloom where I planted you. Remain in me continually and I’ll continue to prune.” This is what was said and now I see my rose in a total different way. The sweet and spicy smell this unique rose has is something I’m being reminded of from the Lord. Sweet smell from the Lord, the Lords sweet aroma. Oh so beautiful y’all. So beautiful. His presence is overwhelming right now, I’m just in awe! As long as I remain in Him, everyday, I can look forward to his pruning, to his presence, to his guidance, his strength, his correction and his wisdom I need everyday. You guys, His mercy is great! He delights in showing mercy to us. Mercy triumphs judgment. [James 2:13]. I played this song, and it spoke to my heart. Maybe it will to you too.

No matter where you are at in life, no matter how your past looks, no matter what your enemies done to you, give grace. Surrender. Pray for them in ways that blows your mind.  That freaks you out because you prayed for them in that kind of way. I promise, when you pray for them in great blessing ways, your heart will feel joyful, lifted high, and released from weight that you’ve been carrying. If you are in need of prayer I’d be glad to pray for you. If you are wanting to know the Lord, I’d be more than happy to speak with you.

May your day be filled with His abounding love.

Walking in this thing called Mom Life

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Yesterday was the first day of spring and it was quite exciting to see its finally here. All the wonderful blooming flowers, planting plants and enjoying the sun outside. As I was sitting yesterday running through my thoughts, I couldn’t help but think of all the things the Lord has done in my life. He has been faithful, loving, graceful, merciful even when I don’t deserve it.

Running around trying to get things done around the house, trying to organize and get everything ready for the new baby to come, trying to get rid of clutter, plant the beautiful plants, clean out the closets of what fits and what doesn’t-even the outdated outfits- there is just so much to get done in such a little time. I began panicking, worrying, stressing and overwhelming myself. Then I felt the Lord speak “slow down my child and enjoy now.” I have been so emotional lately, I’ve been a mom wreck, trying to get all things done quickly. Wanting to rearrange the rooms, repaint and redecorate…. I didn’t realize what I was doing. I was putting added pressure onto myself and instead I should be enjoying each day with this last pregnancy.

We often put so much on our plates then we get angry at others for it. Blame others for it, when really its our own fault. We have to give ourselves GRACE. Oh how we lack grace for ourselves and others but look to the Lord for His grace. I’m so thankful for His grace and love even on the hard mama-kids are screaming-dishes are piled-laundry was forgotten-toys laying all over the floor- kind of days! Don’t you ever have those days?? We are so hard on ourselves mama’s we need to not be. We are human, we aren’t superwoman! We shouldn’t have to carry burdens and carry other unnecessary crud on our shoulders. And I’m speaking to myself on this too!

The other day I just sat and cried. Feeling like a failed at this “mom life” stuff. Not knowing what to do next, not knowing how to do this or that… but you guys, its all okay! We can’t expect to know it all, do it all or even have it all together. Its totally okay, this is where we lean into Christ. His power works best in our weakness and this is what He has been teaching me. He teaches us to be the mother we are called to be, to parent and teach our children in the way they should go so when they get older they will not depart from it. We, as mothers, are here to love, nourish, discipline, teach, and walk in the light setting an example of Christ’s love. I am learning to pray (because y’all prayer is powerful if you haven’t already known this) over and with my children. Im learning that even if I get up early in the mornings and some days they get up the same time I do, its okay to have them next to you watching you read the Word, worship, pray and speak to the Lord. They are seeing the relationship you have with Our Lord and Savior and your setting that example. I didn’t grow up in Christian home so for me this is new, but also something beautiful thats blooming within us. The Lord is showing me how to be the Titus 2 woman, wife in Proverbs 31 and mother also!

I have 3 daughters, and let me tell you quickly like this, raising daughters is not an easy task. Really, it isn’t. What I’m learning along the way is that for me to raise good daughters is for me to be the example. Setting the example on how to properly love and submit to her spouse, faithfully and fervently pray for the family in the home, serve and not expect to be served back, to be joyful in all situations, to hold onto faith and most of all to Love the Lord with all my heart. This sounds easy my friends, but its a daily commitment we must work on to raise daughters, children of the kingdom. Daughters who will make a difference and who will shine His Glory His light to MANY. Who will humble themselves, and love like Christ loves.

Even on the days I feel like I failed, its okay! I turn to my Lord and Savior knowing that He works in me, He shows me and helps me in this. I may not have it all together, but knowing that Christ is the center in my life, in my home and in all things I do, its all going to be ok.

Mama’s, it begins in the home. With us. We are the example for our children. What example are you setting in your home?

Becoming Fearless

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Welcome to Fear Not-Becoming Fearless Devotional! I am super excited you are here! I prayed for you before you decided to do this, I prayed fear would no longer hold you captive and you will finish this ready and free! My name is Nicole. A wife to a loving husband and a mom to 3 beautiful daughters. In my childhood I was fearless. Then I grew into a preteen which I started to become afraid then later dreadful things occurred in my life. I began to hide in a shell letting the enemy sink all he could while I was afraid, hiding. As the Lord was working on me and in me I finally broke free a few years ago! FREEDOM! A year ago the Lord placed this on my heart to do this devotional. It helped me, he spoke  to share to help many others become free from fear as well. Becoming Fearless has really opened my eyes to another level, brought peace you wouldn’t believe, and faith that is made stronger. Are you ready for this 7 day devotional? {find more of the days on the spiritual growth tab} For doing this you get a BONUS day that is added to the longer series I’m currently finishing. Lets pray. 
 Dear Heavenly Father, I thank you for who you are, who always have been, and continue to be. I thank you for this study you gave me courage to do. Open my eyes so that I may see, ears so that I can hear every word you say, and cleanse my heart Lord so that I can become free from fear. You didn’t give us a spirit of fear an di firmly believe in that. I pray for freedom during this and for discipline to help put you first in my life.

To download the 7 day and BONUS day of Fear Not just click the link below. I pray this devotional will help you break free from fear and walk in freedom!

Fear Not Devotional

Fear Not COMING SOON

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Have you decided on what this year would look like for you? Maybe you want to be Fearless! Maybe you want to let go of that fear that has held you captive for so long. For a long time fear held me captive unable to let me fulfill my calling that God placed for me. I held onto fear like a security blanket. It was something I only knew and couldn’t let go of. But let me tell you, once I let it go its like this overwhelming peace overflowed in me. This courage and strength came like no other. It was God who did it, but it was me who had to let it go. I couldn’t just partially let it go. I had to fully let it go. I would say i’m leaving it to you but then I would pick it right back up.

Some of you may say “well why would you do that if you left it to god?” First off let me say, it isn’t easy letting go of something you only knew. All I knew was fear, all I knew was to hide and run. I didn’t know I had courage in me. I didn’t know I could be given courage. I didn’t think I could even have courage first of all. Fear had me tiptoeing around afraid of all things. But my wonderful heavenly father replaced that and restored in me something great! He gave me freedom from fear.

Have you ever wondered how to break fear off? Maybe you have tried but pick it back up. Don’t worry I did that too. Don’t worry what others may say, the struggle IS REAL. It is so hard to let go of something that you held onto for years. You then become afraid and wondering if I let this go what will come next? I will say though, FREEDOM PEACE GRACE LOVE STRENGTH AND COURAGE come to you. Bondage will break, freedom will rise, you will be walking in the room like David who defeated Goliath.

See, for many years I walked around I shame and guilt, carrying a load only Christ could carry. I thought I could do this on my own. I thought I had to since it was all me. I was so afraid of my past coming back to where I am now. I was so afraid of what others may think of me. Being a preteen who got called all these names all up into freshman it sunk inside me and stayed there. I let those names “label” me. I was so afraid of loving again because I loved before and ended up where a lady should not be. I ended up becoming bitter and angry because fear held me captive. I became so full of fear, I didn’t want to walk into church because I felt I would be judged. See fear can do so many things if we don’t take hold of fear and release it to Christ.

For years I had dealt with fear. Fear was all I known. Ans its no fun to have fear. Fear of the future. Fear of the unknown. Fear of what others may say/think. Fear of not being the right mother wife or friend. Fear can hold you captive if we allow it. The only fear we should have is Fear of God. And I don’t mean fear as in “afraid” hiding and running.

The enemy wants to hold us in fear because he knows what we are capable of. As long as he holds you in fear friend, you won’t be able to fulfill your calling your destined to do. You won’t be able to do your ministry God is leading you to. He will shackle you down, the enemy, and hold you captive because he is afraid of YOU! He knows once you find out what you can do, he knows your powerful with Christ in you.

Friend I want to challenge you to take this short 7 day journey of “Fear Not-Becoming Fearless” that will be released Monday, January 22, 2018. I believe we all need to walk in the light, walk in freedom, walk without fear. It is a short devotional, the longer one is currently being written but this one I believe will get you to a start. I wrote this to help you with your fear. These are the verses and steps that helped me and I believe in my heart it will help you too. I know those shackles of fear will break and you will walk in freedom. Your fear is going to fall down and Courage will rise. Strength will be taken and FREEDOM will be overflowing in you.

I pray this for you today dear friend:

“Lord as we come to you, to your throne of grace, we cant help but say thank you! Thank you for the purchase of the cross. Thank you for the chains and shackles that are broken and will be broken after this study. I want to pray for each and every person doing this study that they will see and overflowing, overwhelming peace and that fear will be no more! Our guilt and our shame is left at the cross, let us not pick it back up. Lord we thank you for your love that you shown us, we thank you for mercies. We thank you for the power of the cross that is for us. In Jesus name.”

Friend I pray this will help you and you will share with someone who deals with fear too.

A Look In The Mirror

IMG_4366I know winter is almost over, but I am so ready for it to be over like today! I do like scarves and boots but I like the spring. The flowers blooming, the trees filling up from being leaf less ha!

With February around the corner I want to do a study that will help us as wives. Have you ever felt your marriage at a distance? Marriage falling apart? Maybe you just felt not loved drawn or just numb.

Gosh what can I say. This study, this book opened my eyes to another level. I am going to real with ya’ll for a minute. Our marriage was great, or so I thought. No arguments, no disagreements, no screaming or yelling. I thought it was going great. I remember walking down the isle seeing his smile light up the room. His eyes focused ONLY on me. Our love for one another was so real. It seemed so perfect. Until I read this and realized I was living with a “roommate” sort of speak. Sounds harsh doesn’t it. Well it was harsh. Im being honest here. Its hard writing this, but I feel it needs to be said to help others. Maybe your in that “roommate” stage. With kids I couldn’t balance marriage and parenting. I was all in the wrong by putting my children first. (I’ll explain more on this in the study).

Until I did this study with other women, it drastically changed my perspective as wife, it changed my role, it shifted my marriage into something BEAUTIFUL! Remember how I said our marriage was great? Well let me just say, its way beyond I could ever imagine now. How you ask? With God’s grace love and mercy. We are so in love, literally. We see one another, we communicate like no other, we love each other more than we EVER have. Its more beautiful than when we first laid eyes on each other, more beautiful than the day we got married, I’m for real ya’ll its a SUPERNATURAL thing.

Whats it like to be married to me was a convicting book, not many will want to do this study. Why? Because nobody wants to take a look in the mirror. It hurts to much. But if your wanting a change, wanting something better, wanting the supernatural, wanting something to help, strengthen, deepen your walk with Christ and your role as a wife than this study is great for you! But my marriage is perfect! Great! There is always something in a marriage that can be strengthened on it still is a great study for you! But my marriage is falling apart we may get divorced. I firmly believe in restoration, I firmly believe in restoring something awful to beautiful, this study could help you!

Taking a hard look in the mirror was ugly. I cried in this study. I wept. But in all honesty, this study holds dear to my heart. I want to help as many moms wives, women into becoming who God created and destined us to be. The world says for us to be this way but God says otherwise.

Because this study holds dear to my heart, marriages, women, wives, mothers we will be doing this study, what’s it like to be married to me. It’s perfect for the upcoming holiday, Valentine’s Day! The study will be held in Our Knitted with Grace- Bible Study Group- Facebook Group you can search it there or head on over to Knitted with Grace Facebook Page, like the page and join the group! It’ll be begin next Thursday on the group and blog! You’ll need this book which can be found on Amazon or your local book store. I cant wait to help you grow and see transformation happening. Are you willing to look in the mirror? Are you willing to let go and let God?